I've been going back through my Live Journal looking for a few posts I made and came across this. It was done around Halloween one year and is basically an assessment of the pluses and minuses of having a horror movie villain as a partner. Decided to re-post here as it's one of my favourites.
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As a chick, sometimes it's hard to believe that a lot of guys (note I said a lot but not most or all) think girls can't be hardcore horror flick fans. On the contrary, I'd much rather see Hellraiser than She's All That. And as a woman, I can give a unique outlook to the major horror franchises. For instance, for the male fans you always have your hot girls (victim or heroine), and us females usually have some eye candy of our own. But have you ever stopped to think about who the most interesting horror movie characters are, and how they would rank in relationships?
Thats right. The villians. So what follows is one girl's opinion on the pluses and minuses of dating a horror movie maniac.
Lets start with the most famous names. Freddy Krueger. The man's burned over 90% of his body. Not the sharpest dresser in the world (no pun intended). Lousy with children. Uneducated. When you look at it, what does this man have to offer any girl, sane or otherwise?
Well, lets look at it another way. Some girls find the voice a turn on. For my money, I get shivers when I hear the line "This..is God.". And he's not going to be on any kind of "Most handsome" list, but he's not drop dead ugly either. Piercing set of eyes.
And he takes pride in his work. The way he uses those knives when he gets into the full passion of mayhem...it's rather akin to an artist with their paintbrush. If that passion could be focused into other areas, who knows what could happen?
Something tells me he could be quite kinky for those who're into that.
If he knows your dreams, then he could be very effectual in fulfilling them. So to speak. His intensity and tenacity could be used in other areas of a relationship as well. Maybe in a chosen line of work.
There's potential here, if someone's willing to work at it.
*Jason Vorhees. Okay, time to be blunt. You would be dealing with a child in a grown man's body. You could never tell what he's thinking because he wears a mask. Never speaks so communication would be non-existant. And he only expresses himself when he has a machete.
Plus, he is such a momma's boy it's not even funny. You would have to deal with the mother in law from hell (literally), and it'd be even worse since you can't exactly compete with a dead woman.
He also seems to have a problem with teenagers, and sex. Not exactly the kind of mate to have children with.
From the few times we've seen behind the mask, he's the kind of guy that would scar you for life. We can do much better than Jason, so lets move on.
*Michael Myers. See my first paragraph about Jason. Plus he seems to have the same hangups about sex, if not about children as well. There isn't too much to work with here, either.
*Leatherface. Ooohh boy, talk about the inlaws from Inbred, USA. Although butchers, I think, do make decent money, so if you could get him out of the family's clutches, you may have a shot.
This will probably never happen. Not to mention it looks like he's a walking health hazard. His cholesterol is probably off the charts. With that comes cardiac problems. Doesn't seem like he's destined for a long life, and you definately don't want to be left alone raising 10 children with some crazy ass in-laws. Next!
*Chucky. He's already got a wife and kid, so lets not try to split up a happy home.
*Candyman. Now who doesn't love a man with a hook for a hand. Seriously, he's got some positives. Dedicated - he was killed for loving a woman society said he couldn't have. Promises to give immortality to any woman who would "be his victim". VERY sexy, if you can overlook the bees (or maybe you can get some kicks from that, who knows). Voice that could melt butter. Looks like he knows how to show a lady a good, seductive time. So, on the whole, you could do a lot worse than Candyman.
*Pinhead. Okay, admittedly it'd be hard to touch him. Not impossible, though. And being a Cenobite seems like it pays pretty well. So thats covered. No in-laws to deal with. Although he may be a workaholic, something to work around.
Piercing eyes, a definate turn on. And lets face it - the guy knows how to work a body to the extremes of pain and pleasure. Frankly that'd be worth experiencing, despite any negatives. Of course, that could be just me.
So, thoughts? Have I missed anyone? Feel free to add to the list, guys and gals. I know I've overlooked some of the minor leaguers but this is one of those open-ended lists.
Happy Halloween!
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