2011 My year in review

Another year comes to an end, and a new one is on the horizon. About this time each year I usually take a look back and reflect on my life and this year is no different. Well, I say that, but 2011 has most definitely been a year of change and growth. I've expanded my boundaries in so many ways, pushed myself farther than ever and it's been fantastic. The catalyst for so much change has been my relationship with Lee, as he's helped me grow a lot. Kind of like a flower that's starting to bloom. That's been my year.

What really strikes me, aside from the personal change, has been the amount of traveling I've done. I have never been so many new places in the space of 12 months! March was back to Berwyn/Chicago but then onto Las Vegas for a week. Which was lovely mostly because of being with friends. (I would welcome a chance to go back because there's a few things I didn't get to do.) The bonding I did with the Brits and Shanti was awesome. And, of course, it was the first time Lee and I had spent a significant amount of time together since meeting in September. That was...indescribable.

The Grand Canyon was utterly spectacular. Standing there on the edge, nothing between me and the emptiness, the relative quiet...I'd never felt more peaceful. I think the others were a bit freaked out about me getting so close to the edge, but weirdly enough I wasn't afraid. I felt close to God there, seeing the beauty of His creation.

Then in July a dream came true for me. Getting to visit England was...I can't put into words what it meant for someone like me who had read so much about England, about it's history, it's people, it's place in world history to actually get to travel there. I just can't. But the best part was going there to visit a person and being able to experience things with him. I wouldn't have had the fun or the happiness I had if I had gone alone. And getting to experience Lee's life was wonderful as well. I'd never been so content or at peace as I was there.

Then in October back to Berwyn for more SHIMMER goodness! But I also got to visit Chicago properly, visiting the Sears Tower, going up in it and seeing the view, and going to Twin Anchors for dinner. Absolutely lovely!

The wrestling I saw this year was also tremendous. I really think 2011 was a banner year in professional wrestling. Even in WWE, what they're doing with Punk, Danielson, Ryder, Kofi, Evan, and Cody is fabulous. Mark Henry, after so long, getting a good run with the WHC belt was cool and a long time coming. Even though his "program" with Nash afterwards deflated it, the second "Summer of Punk" was awesome. From his infamous promo to winning at MITB (a real MOTY contender) to blowing Vince McMahon a kiss - gold. Even though I wish Danielson had cashed in MITB at WM like he said, Henry's injury necessitated a quick fix so that's understandable. I just hope they give him a decent chance as champ.

I have no comment on the Divas division. It's crap and I've said my piece about it.

But I found more stuff to love in other promotions. SHIMMER continues to be my number one as far as all female promotions in America goes, but after watching the first Volume of NCW Femmes Fatales (taped back in 2009 - I'm playing catch up), I have become a big fan. I love seeing new faces I hadn't seen wrestle before. I'm saving the other volumes to watch later because I know I'll enjoy them immensely.

(That's what I do - if I know I'll like something like a book or a DVD, I'll put off reading/watching it. Makes the anticipation sweeter and the enjoyment higher when I actually do read/watch it.)

Also, 2011 was the year I really got into Anarchy Championship Wrestling, Chikara and various Joshi promotions. I'm still very uncertain about Joshi overall, but I'm learning - it's got such a rich and interesting history and makes me love Japan even more.

But back to SHIMMER, aside from OVW, it's the only wrestling I saw in person this year and I'm so happy I found it two years ago. It really renewed and revived my passion for wrestling, knowing there's a place that's about showcasing the best females from around the world. Everyone gives their all when they come in. Plus, getting to hang out with them at the afterparties is a trip, and I've made new friends in the bargain. Not to mention my first SHIMMER trip was were I met Lee.

A mini-rant, even though I sometimes harp on WWE for their misuse of their women, I find it strange when people complain but they don't seek out alternatives. Sometimes, when there's enough commotion about something, it changes and that's what I'm hoping for, but at the same time, I refuse to put my money towards WWE. If there's something I'm interested in, I watch on YouTube or, yeah, I stream PPVs. I put my money towards the companies that need and deserve it. Towards companies that treat their men and women with respect, as human beings as well as athletes. And I don't consider TNA at all, due to their treatment of Daffney, Dixie Carter's inept direction, the fact that they are so stupidly strict over their talent taking independent bookings, and the fact their women are still paid way less than the men (unless your Christy Hemme and get paid more than any of the KOs).

You want change? That's all well and good - hit them where it hurts, in the pocket book. Support independent promotions like Chikara, ACW, SHIMMER, EVE, NCW FFs, WAWW, PWWA and countless others.

DO NOT SETTLE FOR MEDIOCRITY. THERE IS A TON OF BETTER FEMALE (AND MALE) WRESTLING OUT THERE. JUST BECAUSE IT'S ON TELEVISION DOES NOT MEAN IT'S THE BEST. IT MAY BE MORE CONVEIENT BUT THAT IS NO REASON TO SETTLE!

Rant over. I'm good! ^_^;

This year I have grown so much as a person. I have discovered parts of myself I didn't realise existed, and those parts have blossomed. I've discovered I have far more patience than I ever thought I did, more courage and more willingness to accept when I am wrong about something. I'm a lot more open-minded now.

A lot of this has come through knowing Lee. There are people that come into your life and completely change you sometimes - for better or for worse. This has definitely been a case of the former. He has changed me, and I believe I have changed him. With his help, I've stepped out of my comfort zone on a lot of things and the results have all been positive. (Heck, after he gave me his copy of "Fast Food Nation" and I read it, I stopped eating McDonalds and I used to have it about every day! Haven't had it since September, it's the longest I've gone without eating it. :D) Hard to believe this all started in September 2010, at the SHIMMER afterparty at 39TEN. I can't help but smile when I think about it.

I have been beyond blessed to have such a wonderful man in my life. A little over a year later and I still enjoy talking to him each day, sharing things, laughing with him...I believe I'll never get tired of hearing his accent. It still thrills me. He brings me to tears with laughter. That's what attracted me in the first place, besides thinking he was really cute - he made me laugh from the start. He's intelligent, funny, beautiful and kind.

He's also a very private person so I'll refrain from going any further. But needless to say, 2011 was amazing because of Lee being part of my life. I love with him all my heart.

Going into 2012, I want to be more positive and a better friend to those who need one. I know I tend to be very negative on my twitter and facebook, a friend pointed it out to me not too long ago and to be honest, I had had no clue that's how it looked to others. I'm not a negative person for the most part - I tend to see the glass as half full. But there's so much negativity on the internet anyways, I want to stop contributing to it. I want to spread funny, interesting stuff. So while I'm not making any resolutions, I am setting goals.

To my friends, if you need someone to lean against, someone to talk to or someone to listen to you, I'm here. Reach me any way you want to or any way you can, but I'm always here.

Here's to 2012 - may the Mayans be wrong, may independent wrestling keep getting better, may there be more positivity and may plenty of opportunities come our way!

Horror Movie Villainesses

THERE WILL BE SPOILERS FOR MOVIES IN THIS POST. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED~!






When it comes to horror movies, 9 times out of 10 the villain will be a man. That's not to say that there's no female villains, far from it. But the most memorable villains are guys. Take a minute, tick off 5 names that come to mind. I'd be willing to bet that the following names are who you thought:


-Freddy Krueger

-Jason Voorhees

-Michael Myers

-Chucky

-Pinhead



Although one of the last two could've been swapped out with Leatherface. Around this time last year I wanted to do a blog about the top 10, or even top 5, female villains. There was just one problem.

I couldn't think of 10. Or five. I could only think of two. Two that had a suitably high body count and showed no remorse about their actions. One was pure evil, the other had a reason for her madness. So I googled female horror villainesses and looked at some of the names that came up. One was Angela from Sleepaway Camp. However, two things disqualified her in my mind. One, she was a victim of bullying so I see her actions as justified. Two...she's technically not a girl. In the sequel she is, but not the first. So I place her as "provoked victim" not a cold blooded villain.

Another name was Asami from the film "Audition." Granted, this woman seemed to fit the bill, except she had no massive body count. It appears she actually only kills one person and tortures the others. Although the torture scene towards the end is very impressive - it actually turned my stomach.

Sadako from The Ringu was a third name. However, she falls into the "provoked victim" as well. Carrie's mother, although narrow minded and ultimately insane enough to try to murder her daughter, isn't really up there. Nor is Annie Wilkes from "Misery."

There were a few others, but I cannot really judge if they'd make my list because I haven't seen the movies. Like any list, this can always be revised. But for now, there's only two that are top female horror movie villainesses.


1 - Pamela Voorhees, "Friday the 13th." How could I not put her? Granted, she could fall into the "provoked victim" category, but there's a major difference.


In 1958, the first two camp counselors were murdered. The camp shut down until "present day" in the film (which, going by the year the movie was made, would have put "present day" as 1980). As the new group of counselors start to overhaul the camp to make it ready to open, they are murdered one by one. At the end, Pamela explains that her son drowned because of the negligence of the counselors.

Now, lets assume that in 1958 when the first two counselors were murdered was the same year that Jason drowned. That would mean that Pamela waited twenty two years until the camp's re-opening to restart the murders. Twenty two years. You would think that over the years her desire to revenge would die down, but nope. This also rules out Pamela suffering from insanity - had she been insane, once the camp shut down, she would either have stalked the counselors directly responsible for her son's death or transferred her murderous rage to others.

But no, she waited. In the words of Mr. Smith from "The Matrix" she waited deliberately, purposefully. When the camp re-opened, she started again. That's not the action of an insane person. Far from it. She let her desire to vengeance go beyond simply killing the counselors who were responsible for Jason's death. She allowed it to explode into killing anyone who had any involvement with the camp when it was re-opened.

Pamela Voorhees was a pioneer for female villainesses. She was the first in the "slasher" genre. Before her, there had been your sophisticated evil villainesses like Asa Vadja (played by the talented Barbara Steele) in "Black Sunday" or your cunning, cold villainesses like Cleopatra in Tod Browning's "Freaks" but there had never been a woman who had taken killing to the extreme like Pamela Voorhees did. The fact that the actress, Betsy Palmer, was such a sweet, lovely woman made the contrast between them that much more startling. Betsy was superb in the role. You really felt the rage that consumed her.

Without Pamela, we might not have gotten other female villainesses who bypassed having men do their dirty work for them and instead went straight for the butcher knife. Women such as Mrs. Loomis in "Scream 2," Baby Firefly from "House of a 1000 Corpses" and "Devil's Rejects," Marie from "High Tension," or Brenda Bates from "Urban Legend" can be seen as descendants of Pamela's. Without her, we might not have gotten the second female on my list...



2 - Julia Cotton, "Hellraiser" & "Hellbound: Hellraiser 2"


This is probably an unexpected choice. However, let me explain and perhaps you'll find yourself agreeing with my reasoning.

When we first meet Julia in "Hellraiser" she is the wife of Larry Cotton and step-mother to Kirsty Cotton. She comes across as a chilly, if not downright cold woman and we soon learn that she slept with her husband's brother, Frank, prior to their wedding. When Julia realises that Frank can be restored through the sacrifice of victims, she lures men to their home and kills them. Granted, she almost didn't kill the first victim, being very hesitant but her lust for Frank eventually overcame any reservations she had. After that, she shows no mercy and even offers up her own husband in the end so Frank can take his skin. She also has no objections to Frank attempting to murder her step-child.

This is pretty heinous behaviour for a woman, despite the fact that she had a motive (love, or lust, or obsession whichever it was) but even still if she was that head over heels for Frank, she could've called off the marriage all together (although Frank, you quickly find out, isn't the type to settle down - his restlessness and desire for new experiences is what brought him to the Cenobites in the first place). But you get the feeling that, although Larry was a nice guy, he never excited the pure, primal lust that Frank excited in Julia. Frank, himself, was a primal force of nature - through glimpses of flashbacks and items that Julia finds, we see that Frank searched the globe and engaged in every sort of carnal experience the world had to offer. There was nothing he refrained from, but it all eventually bored him. This continuing search finally led to the puzzle box known as the Lament Configuration. In a way, Frank and Larry are the personifications of the struggle women find themselves caught in - the "bad boy" or the "nice guy." Like Julia, we must choose between them.

I get the feeling that, except for her affair with Frank, Julia led a pretty straight laced life. The good wife, maybe attempting to be a kind step-mother to Kirsty (although we see the relationship is pretty frosty), a receptive hostess - Julia is rather bland, to be honest. When Frank is re-introduced back into her life, the dissatisfaction she feels with her life as well as the obsession that has never left her completely, bursts from within. She is consumed by the fire of her passion, despite the evil that goes hand in hand with it.

In a way, I identify with Julia. Maybe that's why I like her so much. She shed her "good wife" skin to revel in the raw emotions that Frank brought out of her. She craved his touch, even after her encounter with him so long ago, and stopped at nothing once she realised she could have him again. Julia is very much a creature of her passion, her lust - put simply, her emotions. After restricting herself for years, she couldn't deny her feelings any longer. Frank brought that out of her.

For years, I, too, have restrained myself and denied parts of myself that I thought were wrong or sinful. It took the right person to bring the sexual part of my personality out and into bloom. Now I embrace those parts of myself. ...Except I'm not murdering anybody! I have digressed...

Getting back to the focus of this blog though, Julia chooses Frank in the end, and winds up killed. So, although responsible for the deaths of an unknown number of strangers and her own husband, plus the attempted murder of her step-daughter, Julia doesn't seem to have the body count of Pamela Voorhees.

Enter "Hellbound: Hellraiser Two." This film made Julia the central villainess to go alongside the doctor that brought her back. We're not quite certain if Dr. Phillip Channard realises he's going to resurrect Julia when he brings one of his mental patients into contact with the mattress Julia was seen lying upon in the first film, but that's what happens. From here, Dr. Channard brings living victims from his mental hospital to Julia so she can take their flesh and blood to complete her regeneration.

This is where the body count kicks in. In the scene where Kyle enters a room in Dr. Channard's house, he sees the rotting bodies of numerous mental patients that Julia has killed before becoming a victim himself. I wasn't able to count them all, but there were quite a few. A far cry from the unknown number of murders she committed in the first, certainly. When confronted by Kirsty, she slaps the girl so hard she knocks her out. This comes after one of the best lines I've ever heard from any movie genre.

"They didn't tell you, did they Kirsty? They changed the rules of the fairy tale. I'm no longer just the wicked step mother. Now I'm the evil queen. So come on! Take your best shot, Snow White!"

The way she says this, with such malice and hatred in her voice - it gives me chills every time I hear it. Julia is fully restored and at the peak of her power. From there she takes revenge on Frank, betrays Dr. Chennard (although considering his curiosity opened the box, it might not be perceived as betrayal so much as the fulfillment of his desire), and seeks to murder Kirsty and Tiffany. Julia has no redemptive motives in this movie, she is fully evil, seeking only to murder those who would prevent her from walking the earth once more.

In a way, because I identify so strongly with Julia, I prefer her over Pamela. Then again, I'm not a mom so I can't identify with Pamela about losing a child. But I can identify with Julia's desire to break free of the monotony of her life, the desire and lust she felt for Frank suppressed for so long until it broke free.


These two comprise my list of ultimate female villainesses. If you feel there's someone that I haven't mentioned that should be on here, feel free to leave me a comment. If there's a horror movie featuring a villainess, let me know - I'm always wanting more horror movies to watch!

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

I have been back from Berwyn since last Tuesday night. Still pretty much blown away by what I saw this past weekend. I want to write though, so this is going to be pretty much off the cuff, emotional thoughts with no real 'structure' so to speak. (I also added a note at the bottom after originally posting, then deleting, then re-posting this.)


Kalamity is amazing. This is just plain fact. I saw her for the first time in action in the bonus match on SHIMMER Volume 36 (which I actually just finished the week before the past SHIMMER show), and I was immediately taken. Even more so when I saw her in person. Her music, her look, her wrestling skill, her character...she absolutely enthralled me. Sexy, gothic, dangerous - only one person has ever had that kind of sudden impact on me before. Twelve years ago, April 1999 when I first got into wrestling. This person hooked me and got me to keep watching. He had the same impact back then that Kalamity had now.

The Undertaker. He was one of two wrestling crushes I had up through the years until this year. When I found out UT had shaved all his hair off, the crush died a hard death, leaving a UT sized hole in my heart. A hole that I believe Kalamity will fill very nicely. This lady is so completely her character that when we met up with Stephane, Lufisto and her outside Michael Anthony's, I had to ask Lee, "Is that Kalamity?" just to make sure. She was so shy and nice - the exact reverse of her character. Which is usually what happens in wrestling (either they play a character the polar opposite of themselves or they turn their personality up to 100). I was absolutely charmed by her, even though we didn't speak.

More like hopelessly infatuated, but also charmed. I sincerely hope that she becomes a SHIMMER regular, but I'm also determined to make it up to Montreal for a Femme Fatales show next year. Mostly because of her, but also because there's a lot of tremendous talent up there. Until then, I'll have to be satisfied with watching all six of the previous FF DVDs I bought! Woo hoo!

Hailey Hatred was an honour to watch in person. I wish she had been there both days, but she had a show she was contracted to wrestle on for Sunday, so I admire her willingness to travel and determination to make both shows. From the taste of her I got on Saturday (minds out of the gutters, pervs!), I believe she deserves all the credit in the world and deserves all the championships she holds in Japan. She has broken new ground for gaijin in Japan. Yet through it all, she has remained humble and so sweet, so approachable! I had the great fortune to chat with her during the intermission on Saturday, and once I told her my twitter handle she knew who I was! (Which surprised me, but it always takes me aback when folks recognise me from twitter hah.)

I bought two DVDs that she recommended, which she graciously autographed for me. They're all in Japanese (of course) but great wrestling transcends language (as I've found out from watching joshi on YouTube and Ice Ribbon). I wanted to get a picture with her, but it was way too crowded at intermission - but she sent me a tweet saying it was nice to have met me, which was really awesome of her. I very much hope she comes back to do a full weekend at SHIMMER since I doubt I'll be getting to Japan any time soon!

Yumi Ohka was a name that, when announced, was a bit confusing to me. Kinda appeared out of thin air (although I know DP doesn't just pull names out of a hat), but after YTing some of her matches I was eager to see what she could bring to the table. This lady is grace personified. She has a doll-like beauty and grace exudes from every movement she makes. Tall, skillful yet powerful as her boot to the face showed, I was extremely impressed. Her inclusion made the absence of Misaki Ohata easier to overlook (although without her 3S partner, Hiroyo Matsumoto stood out as a top card draw and had some outstanding matches). I was sold on her after her first match.

A woman who'd been hyped to the max also made her debut - Kana. After seeing her progression from a CD of her early work I'd been given to her most recent matches against Serena Deeb, I saw how far she had come. The hype was justified, her matches were excellent, although I disliked how stiff she appeared to be in her last match with Lufisto but that's more out of concern for Lufisto's health (there were a couple of kicks to Lufi's head that made me cringe!) than any dislike towards Kana. I also didn't like how she held herself higher than the other roster and after her match with Lufi I finally stood and applauded after she shook Lufisto's hand.

It was pointed out to me a day later that my reaction was how a "mark" would react. Which is true (although I don't like the word "mark"). I like the fact that I can still be pulled in by a wrestler's character, which Kana pulled off to a T. I heard afterwards at the after party that she went around to several tables, asking people what they thought of her matches. "She was ridiculously humble," a friend remarked. I agree. Another total 180 from character to actual person. A very gracious, talented lady who still has a lot more to give to wrestling.

Dave gave us a few surprises on SPARKLE: Mia Svensson, whom I've grown close to over the past year, showed up in first a tag match, then got onto the main show to face off against Lufisto! I was, and am, so proud of her. She did very well in both matches, and I daresay wrestling Lufisto on your first SHIMMER volume had to be an amazing experience for her. I have to admit, I popped when, on her SPARKLE match, I saw she was wearing the Thor's hammer necklace I'd bought her. I knew it would suit her character tremendously.

I cannot put into words how much it meant to finally meet her in person and give her a hug. She has helped me so incredibly much over the past year, I've trusted her with some very private things about myself, and she's trusted me in return. I'm so glad that we got the chance to talk and just hang out and have fun at the after parties. (And I know she's a heel but I couldn't help but clap for her!) Mia, thank you so much for everything. It was fantastic to see you wrestle in person and a pleasure to hang out with you. ^.^

Another SPARKLE surprise was one third of the Midwest Militia - Allysin Kay. Knowing that Sassy Stephie was already booked, seeing Allysin show up made me hope that the other MWM woman, Jessicka Havok, would appear as well. No dice this time, but given the size of the roster for these past shows it's completely understandable. Allysin was great to watch in person. I'd been impressed with her talent and intensity in WSU, and I think she'll only continue to get better. Her and Mia teamed up on SPARKLE to face a returning Cherry Bomb and a debuting KC Spinelli. All four were impressive. Cherry had been at a previous SPARKLE show, but KC was debuting for the first time for SPARKLE. Very talented, all four were fun to watch.

Another SPARKLE match that held a surprise was the team of She Nay Nay (a nCw FF competitor that had been at SPARKLE before), Jessie "Bonesaw" Brooks, and the debuting Buggy Nova (a West Coast wrestler who's had a lot of buzz about her) aka BoNayNayBugs taking on Kimberly Maddox (hadn't heard of her before, but I think someone said she works out of Florida), Veda Scott (a graduate of the SHIMMER academy) and a lady who'd recently been released from her WWE developmental deal Su Yung.

Su was the surprise, completely unexpected and after seeing her work, it's a damn shame that WWE released her. She's pretty and talented, yet still learning. After seeing Buggy in action, I can understand the buzz about her. Her look is different, she has charisma and she can work. She was amazingly over with the crowd and deservedly so. Definitely one to watch.

I confess though, I was most excited to see Veda Scott. We had become friendly via twitter (and I have a weakness for red heads), and I was looking forward to not only meeting her but also seeing her wrestle. The SHIMMER academy has produced some great students so far, Veda being in that category. Although she's still learning and (I think) SHIMMER was her first big show, her tag and singles matches were great. She has all the elements needed to make a top level wrestler, all she needs is time and experience now.

Not to mention she's smart. She's going to school to be a lawyer, which means she'll have a steady career in addition to wrestling, like MsChif. That's the best thing you can do, because no matter how much you love wrestling, eventually you have to quit before your body quits for you. (Unless you're Ric Flair and have massive debts to pay.) Plus she's funny and a cat lover, both bonus points. So I was really excited to meet her! But she made my day on Sunday when, coming out for her singles match, she was slapping hands and when Veda saw me, she hugged me! Totally unexpected that made me beam with happiness.

Like Mia, it was wonderful to meet Veda in person. Hopefully we can get to know each other better over the coming year. Veda, you are a lovely, hilarious, talented woman and I'm glad that I get to watch your wrestling career grow. I know you can go as far as you want to. You have all the skills necessary, all that's lacking is experience which will come in time. Congratulations on a great SHIMMER weekend!

It has been a year since Mia Yim debuted on SPARKLE, then SHIMMER. In that year, she has grown by leaps and bounds. Her matches over the past weekend were tremendous. I especially liked the three way between her, Athena and Jessie McKay; and her versus Yumi Ohka. I am so proud of her, she hasn't rested but instead took the opportunities she was given and ran with them. Especially going over to Japan and getting the opportunity to train over there, it's amazing. Her progression and what she learned from over there shone over the weekend. I'm so happy I've gotten to see her grow and can continue to watch her evolution. I'm so proud of you girl! :D

Amber Gertner continues to be a lovely, classy woman. I'm really really happy we got the chance to just sit back and talk for a bit at the after party. She is one of the sweetest women I know and I'm truly grateful to have her as a friend. Love you Miss G!

Lufisto continues to inspire and amaze me. Athena continues to impress the heck outta me, as does Nicole Matthews. Shoot, if I go down this road I'll have to list every woman, because all of them (barring two) continually amaze me. And this blog is going to be long enough as it is!

The match quality, from SPARKLE to SHIMMER itself continues to astound me. Out of 16+ hours, I can think of one, possibly two matches that I didn't care for. That's it. And even in the matches I didn't care for, the women still brought their A-game. Everyone gave their all. Because they wanted to be there. SHIMMER isn't a case where just because you're local or because you know someone, you get booked. No way. You send in tapes, you get your name out there and you earn a spot. That's one of the reasons it's so appealing, everyone is there because they want to be.

The after party, despite having to be moved to Michael Anthony's, was great on both nights. I actually preferred MA's due to it having more rooms to circulate, sit down and talk in. You didn't have to stay up near the bar where the music was blaring which was quite nice. I got to chat with Nicole Matthews, Stephie, Veda, Mia Svensson, Amber Gertner and various others. It felt like a family (which I wrote about in my latest Ringbelles article), everyone was relaxed and easy to talk to or have a drink with. Of course, for those of us with a taste of karaoke, we left and made our way to a bar where a SHIMKaraoke Champion was crowned - BONESAW~! (Then she rudely had her belt taken away and given to a guy named Bruce. BOOO! Rematch, rematch!)

The last song played that everyone danced and sang to was the Backstreet Boys "Everybody." It was hilarious and awesome all at once. A superb way to end the weekend.

One of the highlights also happened after the karaoke was done. After over a year of wanting it I FINALLY FINALLY got my knife-edge chop!! WOOO! I can't say who gave it to me out of respect for her, but I do have photographic evidence of the imprint she left. And as soon as I can get the pictures uploaded I will be sharing! I begged the lady in question, and I think what got her to agree was the fact that I told her it was on my bucket list. Which it is. I got Lee to be my witness, and let me tell you....it's like a thousand knives piercing your chest. I'm guessing that's how it got to be called the 'knife edge chop.' It was one of the most intense things I've ever felt in my life. Utterly exhilarating! Before she left, she made sure I was okay, that my heart didn't explode or there were any after effects. And yes, I pulled the collar of my shirt down so the impact was directly on my chest, no cloth between. Skin to skin contact.

Oh yes, I wanted this done with all the stops pulled out. And I got it! I was buzzing, from that and also from the fact I got pictures with both Britani & Saraya Knight, plus Jessie McKay when she jumped in the first one. These pictures are AWESOME. I told Saraya, "You are the first person in wrestling to legit scare the crap out of me." She laughed and said, "I'm glad you enjoy the character." A gracious lady if there ever was one. Britani is wonderfully nice with a bit of craziness mixed in. It was an honour to meet them both and have a few words with Saraya. I came out of Michael Anthony's buzzing, a feeling that lasted the rest of the night.

Oh and Mena Libra's theme music makes a great alarm clock. Just saying.

This weekend was utterly amazing. The only thing I didn't like was Cheerleader Melissa winning the title. It was too obvious. You could see it coming from a mile away. When MsChif won the title, it was a shock. When Madison won the title, it was a shock. But Melissa...when she won it, it was anti-climactic. I knew she would win, as most other folks did I expect. The match was spectacular, the women brawled all the way around the Eagles Club (and at one point, Madison was thrown down the stairs at the front of the Club!), and it took a ton to put Madison down for three. But the fact that you could see it coming irked me.

Plus, purely in my opinion mind you, although Cheerleader Melissa is superb in the ring I think the title should've gone to another up and coming talent, not one that doesn't really need the belt. The SHIMMER Championship took Madison Eagles to a whole new level. I felt there was a lot more we could have seen with her descent into obsession over keeping the title. However, with the knowledge of her physical status now, it's understandable that she lost it. It might've been the original plan all along to have her lose, but knowing how hurt she is, taking the belt off of her will ease some of the pressure. Hopefully now she can have a good, long rest and heal up.

I wish her the best and hope she heals fully. Watching her wrestle is a treat, she really is one of the best in the world.

I think I've gushed enough, but truly these tapings were tremendous milestones for SHIMMER. An awesome collection of talent from all over the world and in the continent. Great story lines, fantastic matches, pure emotion and topping it all off with two great after parties.

I adore SHIMMER, and the people that work behind the scenes and in the ring. It really has renewed my passion for professional wrestling. Great wrestling is just that - great wrestling. I feel privileged to get to see it in person twice a year. Not to mention spend time with a bunch of wonderful people.

Plus I wound up having a great talk with Steven and renewing our friendship. Cryssi and I also made peace and we're trying to get to know each other. Which I'm truly grateful for. I don't like fighting, contrary to what anyone thinks. So all in all, a great weekend.

(This ends the SHIMMER portion of my post. Below is what happened after Sunday, so if you don't want to read more personal stuff, stop here! ^.^)

Monday, Stew, Steve, Lee and I went to the Sears Tower. They'd been before but I hadn't. Amazing, to be in a building that's above the clouds! The sky box was terrifying but there's a photo of Lee and I that made the terror worth it. <3 We had dinner at Twin Anchors (a place Frank Sinatra loved so much that he would had their ribs flown to wherever he had a show) which was delicious. Watched Raw, which is a lot more enjoyable when you have people to run commentary on it with.

Tuesday, our flights didn't leave 'til that evening so after we checked out of the Rodeway we went to a mall that was near Chicago and did some shopping. We also had Red Robin which was delicious. After that, we reluctantly made our way to the airport. I had to say goodbye to Stew and Steve since our flights were in two different terminals. Lee accompanied me into terminal one and stayed with me until I absolutely had to go through the gate. That night was miserable but the days after weren't as bad as one would think. Each day I was determined to be positive and grateful for the weekend, and for getting to spend time with Lee.

It also struck me that, after spending so much time with the three of them, I wasn't the "resident girlfriend" that usually has to be tolerated when one person in a group of friends gets a partner. I was actually part of the group. I felt like, even if I wasn't Lee's girlfriend, I would still be included with them because of the friendships we've formed.

I've become very close with Steve and to me, he's like the big brother I never had. (I have an awesome older sister though!) I trust him completely and he's proven to be worthy of that trust (and I think I've proven to be worthy of his trust in return). He's a big ol' teddy bear! He has a good heart, a generous nature and a gentle soul. He's not the type to let a lot of folks in to get to know him, which makes me all the more grateful I'm one of those select few. He's a good man and I love him to pieces. ^_^

Although I'm not quite as close to him as I am with Lee and Steve, I still consider Stew to be a good friend. He's hilarious, intelligent and very quick witted - which you need to be to hang with the others. A "gentle giant" as it were. He's a lot of fun to be around. Although you never quite know what's going to come out of his mouth! ;) (And he has a habit of doing that damn shocker thing in pictures..! *Shakes fist*)

We really missed Rob and Rhia on this trip but perhaps next year they'll rejoin us. But it was lovely to be a part of the group and not just a fourth wheel. I love that connection. However I can't deny, it was most wonderful to be with Lee once more. It's been a full year since we've been communicating, although we don't really have a set date that we can call an "anniversary" since we've been a couple. The past year has been utterly amazing and life changing. I've changed him and he's changed me, for the better. He's been the catalyst to help me discover parts of myself that I either didn't know existed or denied for years. For the first time, I feel like an actual woman that's blossoming in several different ways. Akin a flower that's starting to bud and then bloom under the sunlight.

When we're together, I feel a peace, a serenity that I rarely feel at any other time. Yet I also feel energized, renewed, like there's nothing we can't accomplish. Ready to take on the world as it were. There's a charge, an electricity between us that defies explanation.

I love this man so much. Everyday I count myself grateful that he's in my life and that I'm in his. Everyday.

All in all, a wonderful trip. I'm pretty sure that Christmas isn't the most wonderful time of the year. SHIMMER weekends are. My thanks to Dave Prazak, Allison Danger, the behind the scenes crew and of course the women themselves for another fantastic weekend!

...Now, when's the next one?!? :D

~

Note: I originally deleted this because I felt like it was too emotional, too mushy. But then I realised that's the way I am. I am an emotional, mushy, maybe a touch too sensitive, passionate person. I love my boyfriend, my friends and wrestling. I'm not ashamed to admit any of this. If any of what I've written comes off as creepy, it's not my intention. I respect the women I've written too much to cross the boundaries into inappropriate behaviour. But my writing comes out as over the top sometimes. Which is another reason why I took it down, I was afraid of how it would be perceived.

At the end of the day, I'm just a fan who's grateful for female wrestling that's worth supporting and the women therein who deserve appreciation and respect. I'm also a woman who counts her friends and boyfriend as real treasures, and I always want them to know that I love them very much. I'm a blessed person. May I never forget this.

"I'm sorry. What's a SHIMMER?"

If you can tell where that quote is from, I'll be highly impressed! (It's from a television show.) As I write this, this is the last week before SHIMMER weekend. A precious time that comes twice a year where female wrestling fans congregate in the town known as Berwyn, Illinois; a small town of around 54,000, quiet, not too far away from the larger Chicago. A town that has (hopefully) come to accept the band of people that come from locations all over the world to see the very best in wrestling over a weekend. Perhaps, one might equate it to the pilgrimage all Muslims are required to make once in their life, a journey to the holy city of Mecca called the Hajj. Berwyn is our Mecca, and at least once in your life (if you are a SHIMMER fan), you must make at least one journey. Be warned, however - once you go, you will find yourself coming back as much as time and finances allow.

Through SHIMMER, I discovered other places that support and nuture female wrestling such as Women Superstars Uncensored, nCw Femme Fatales, Pro-Wrestling, EVE, Anarchy Championship Wrestling and others. However, maybe it is because it was the first promotion I found, or perhaps it is because it is the only one (so far) I have attended live, but SHIMMER remains my favourite promotion. There are several reasons for this, other than the ones I listed.

Although only running two shows (four DVD volume tapings) a year, the shows are so tightly packed with talent that every match is superb. Sure, there's the occasional match that isn't five stars, but I can honestly say I have never seen a bad match. Neither have I seen a 3 minute match, nor have I seen a match filled with botches to the point where it is painful to watch. The cards are stacked with women who either have years of experience, or women who may not have a lot of experience under their belts but they seize the opportunity to showcase what they have learned so far, and to learn from the veterans that are at the shows. In short - every woman is at SHIMMER or SPARKLE because they truly want to be there. They have trained, worked hard, compiled their work and sent it in hoping to get a shot. On the shows I have seen in person, no one phones it in.

In SHIMMER, you have dream matches that Dave Prazak puts together. The cards are always tightly held secrets, minus one or two announced beforehand, so the crowd is kept guessing until the music hits. I like that. I want to be surprised, to let the anticipation build until the big reveal. It's one of the best parts about the shows. Dave knows the matches we want to see. He's one of the bookers who listens to the fans and does what he can to deliver. Which, I daresay, he's done a fantastic job in the years that SHIMMER has been operating. He's brought together names that have never competed before anywhere else in the world. Each time he has made enough money off ticket and DVD sales to continue to bring in international talent. Yet he doesn't overlook talent that trains and works hard in the United States either. In SHIMMER we have the best of both worlds. So far, it's been a "Who's Who" of names. This time, not only do we get (in addition to the established names) the return of the Knight Dynasty (Saraya & Britani Knight) and four out of the five previous Joshis (Ayumi Kurihara, Hiroyo Matsumoto, Ayako Hamada & Tomoka Nakagawa), but we also get recent SHIMMER academy graduate Veda Scott, west coast competitor Davina Rose, as well as Japanese sensations Kana, Hailey Hatred and Yumi Okha. Dave has said there are still more names to come...

Where else are you going to find a show like this? It literally makes a fan salivate at the endless possibilities of who might face who.

One criticism I have heard about SHIMMER is the lack of storylines. However, I think if you make this comment you either haven't followed SHIMMER closely or you are taking a superficial look at it. For instance, a few of the previous storylines were:

-The Portia Perez/Allison Danger feud that elevated Portia into a first class heel after she re-injured Danger's clavicle, then threatened her when Allison was pregnant.

-The Serena Deeb/Sara Del Rey feud that elevated Serena into main event status. Del Rey never thought Serena deserved to be at the top, but Serena proved her wrong.

-Daffney turning on her protege, Rachel Summerlyn and making her life hell until the "I Quit" match on Volume 36.

The most recent, still on-going storyline, is of course the SHIMMER Champion Madison Eagles slow descent into madness. If you have followed events since May 2nd, 2009, then you saw the genesis of this storyline. Now her obsessive, Gollum-like need to keep hold of the SHIMMER title is one of the most fascinating storylines the promotion has. Tied into this is Cheerleader Melissa's quest to work her way back into title contention. Madison is a great actress and I think we've only begun to see how far this particular rabbit hole goes.

So there are plenty of storylines if you have followed along. Make no mistake, however, there is more of a focus on bringing together people for matches that you would not see anywhere else. Given the fact that the roster keeps growing, more people come from around the world to attend the shows (with no prior knowledge of matches that will happen), and DVD sales are healthy I daresay it's a formula that has proven its success. SHIMMER has grown by leaps and bounds since it's first show on November 6th, 2005. It is the first all-female promotion and its success has paved the way for other all-female promotions to start up. It has proven there is a market for female wrestling.

This will be my third trip to Berwyn and I can honestly say I cannot wait. If you are attending, come say hello! See you there!

I am Woman...

I recently finished reading this book by Eve Ensler, the same woman who wrote "The Vagina Monologues." It's called "I Am an Emotional Creature: The Secret Life of Girls Around the World." It's mainly geared towards teenage girls (although it was in the women's studies section of the bookstore), but almost every page has a few words or a section that feels like it speaks directly to me. It feels like what I would have said when I was a teenager, or what I've found myself saying in the past few years.

Even now in this day and age, girls are pressured into conforming to what society/their family/culture wants. Never mind what we feel or what we would like or how we would like to grow. We are forced to stifle the voice within us until it either fades away or grows louder and louder until it explodes into life.

Women are powerful creatures. We are told we are not, we are held down, forced down, humiliated, beaten, bruised, cut, mutilated, until we are nothing more than what others want us to be. Our wings are clipped so we cannot fly. Our voices are stifled until they are lost or drowned out. Our clitorises are cut so we do not realise the pleasure we can feel. Our bodies are not our own. So many girls around the world grow up, thinking they are nothing more than animals, less than human. And a lot of them will never know the truth.

We are powerful. Strong. Beautiful. Graceful.
We are determined. Bold. Creative. Idealistic.
We can change the world.

For so long I didn't know myself. Who I was, or what I was capable of. But I'm learning. Now, I know better. I am comfortable in my skin, as a person but also as a woman. I know the truths that society and culture doesn't want me to know. I am feeling my power and starting to exercise it. I am expanding my boundaries that the fear my mother ingrained in me kept me confined to. Once I was a shadow, but now I have substance.

This is my manifesto.

I am Woman.
I am powerful. Strong. Beautiful. Graceful.
I am determined. Bold. Creative. Idealistic.
I can change the world.

I want to learn more.
I have a brain thirsty for knowledge and a curiosity that cannot be contained.
I want to feel sensations I've never felt before.
I am a sexual creature and this isn't something to be ashamed or hidden.
It is a fact, and a part of myself I have too long denied.
It is something to be celebrated on my own terms. With the person I choose.
My sexuality is mine to control. No one else's.
I am a sensual creature.
I love to be held, stroked, caressed.
I am not ashamed of this. It is part of myself.

I have brains and beauty. Both make me who and what I am.
My clothing is my own to select. If I want to wear a short skirt, I will.
For my sake. Not yours.
I have shapely legs, a cute face, thick brown hair and a good sized bust.
I am short but perfectly proportioned for my size.
My body is mine to show and celebrate.
For my sake. Not yours.

When I am happy, I will laugh.
When I am sad, I will cry.
When I am angry, I will scream.
When I am excited, I will cheer.

My emotions are strong, uncontrollable by anyone but myself.
I am passionate.
I am loving.
I am tender.
I am sweet.
I am furious.
I am focused.
I am loyal.
I am opinionated.
I am stubborn.
I am intelligent.
I am supportive.

I am an emotional creature.
I can move mountains.
I can change the world.

And so can you. I believe in you. Believe in yourself.

September 11th, 2011

Yes, I know it's not the 11th anymore. I meant to write this earlier but I've had a headache for most of the day so I'm just now getting around to it.

If you were in America this past week up through Sunday, you've been saturated with 9/11 coverage. Hell, I'd be willing to wager you saw plenty of coverage even if you lived outside the country. A ten year anniversary, for any monumental occasion, is significant and you knew that all the networks would go all out. I DVRed a lot of programs and the memorial service, and have watched a bit, and from what I can tell, it all looked very tastefully done (the services in NYC, the Pentagon & Shanksville, PA), none of it garish or overblown. The two waterfalls where the Towers stood are simple, yet lovely, with all the names engraved. I'm not sure how it will look completely once it's all done, but I think it'll be a peaceful spot in the midst of the hustle and bustle.

If anything, there was too much saturation, too much programming. I think every previous 9/11 program that had ever been done in the past 10 years ("102 Minutes that Changed America", "The Man Who Predicted 9/11", etc.) was shown at one point, plus the new programs that had been done by various networks. All tasteful, with some new stories and information, but maybe just a bit too much. Even for someone like myself (who, on the day it happened came home and recorded the news nonstop, filling up 3 video tapes of coverage over the week) who studies and absorbs historical events as they happen, I had to shut it off a couple of times. I felt drained and considering I was already down, it was sapping my emotions to the point where I felt zombie-like. I had to turn it off.

After a shower, a snack and some aspirin (whenever fall and spring come along, my allergies act up and I get headaches a lot), I started feeling introspective. They say that everyone who was of an age to know and understand what was happening on that day has changed. Certainly, the country itself has changed, but so have it's people. I started pondering what changed in me and my life on that day and afterwards.

The major thing was that my eyes were signficantly opened and more aware of the world at large. Sure, I'd had an interest in history and current events, but 9/11 led me to start learning much, much more. My library increased (although it took a few more years for my interest in American history to kick start), but most importantly I took an active interest in politics. Being that I was still fresh out of school and my parents (specifically my mom) were Republicans, my path led me into Conservative Republicanism. I saw Democrats and Liberals as weak people, I read and owned all of Ann Coulters books, most of the coverage that I recorded was Fox News, and I listened to Rush Limbaugh whenever I could. In 2004, I campaigned for President Bush and a local Congresswoman, Anne Northup. When our troops went into Afghanistan, I watched the coverage avidly and when Bush said there were WMDs in Iraq, I believed him and supported the war.

I always had to be plugged into the news. At work I would have the radio on, at home even if I was in another room, there was always a tv on with one of the 24 hour news channels on. I was, and still am, a news junkie. I want to know. This curiousity, this need to know, was always a characteristic of mine, but if anything it increased after 9/11. Heck, half of the Twitter accounts I follow are news, American and world-wide.

I'm happy to say that in 2005 and after, my political views changed to become more Progressive/Democratic. Now, I'm sorta ashamed for how gung-ho I was and trusting, but you live and learn from your past. What matters is that I became more involved and aware of the world beyond my little circle. That can only be a good thing.

The other major thing I learned from 9/11, the other major way it changed me, was to realise just how suddenly your life can end. The people on the planes, they were going about their business. Whether for business or pleasure, they innocently got on a plane, like hundreds of thousands of people do everyday in every country, never suspecting what was going to happen. The people at the Trade Center and the Pentagon did what they always did - they went to work. It was just another Tuesday for these folks. They never realised that for some of them, their lives would come to an end.

That's a damn sobering thing to dwell on. Its actually bringing tears to my eyes to type this as I think about what they must have thought and felt before the end came. The main thing is they were living their lives; it was just another day for them. They had no idea they would be a part of history. They had no idea they would never see their loved ones again. Some managed a last call, to get a last message out, but many didn't.

It makes you realise how fragile life is, and how uncertain it can be. That's a powerful realisation. And it can apply everywhere, everyday. None of us are promised tomorrow. There's always the possibility that you may not wake up tomorrow; that the car you're driving or riding in may crash; that the bank you're making a stop at might be robbed and shot up. These scenarios happen every day - this sounds really fatalistic, but 9/11 drove home the fact that each minute or day may be our last.

It was after 9/11 that I started telling my family that I loved them whenever I hung up the phone or left the house. It's such a simple thing, yet before that day I didn't think anything of ending the conversation with a simple "Bye". But that changed - my mom, my dad, my sister, my grandmother, I started telling them, "I love you" before ending any conversation on the phone or leaving the house, whether it be to go to work or just up the street. It didn't matter. Now it's become routine, but that doesn't mean I don't mean it. I still mean it.

Everytime I tell someone I love them, I mean it with all my heart and soul. Because I realise I may not get the chance to tell them later. Even if I'm not in a good mood, or I'm upset with the person, I still say it. I've been mad at mom before I've left for work, yet I've still looked at her and said, "I love you." Because I mean it. Moods are temporary. Tempers flare, but love is a constant, steady, enduring thing to me. It runs deeper than any temporary roadbump. And usually by the time I'm at work and I'm calmer, I wind up calling mom and apologising for my part in the argument.

My love runs deeper than any argument, any mood shift, any flareup.

That is one thing I wish everyone would learn, from 9/11, or anything - don't waste a moment. If you love someone, tell them! If you're sorry, apologise! Dying with regrets is a horrible thing, and I'm sure many of the folks that died in that day died with regrets in their hearts. 9/11 taught me how precious life is and a few months later, my family learned the same lesson in a hard way.

In late March 2002, my mom's mom (we called her Nannie) who lived with us (and had called us with regular updates on 9/11 since we weren't by a tv), had a seizure. The doctors ran tests and discovered she had a brain tumour from cancer that had gotten there via her lymphnodes and had originated in her lungs. They said that she could have as much as 6 months but that wasn't likely at all.

She died on May 3rd, in the very room I'm sitting in. 5 - 6 weeks. Those were the hardest weeks, on all of us, but mostly on mom. She insisted on caring for her. The Hosparus people came in for the last few weeks, God bless them, but mom did the bulk of the work. She stopped talking on Wednesday - her last words were to me. She wanted me to stay home and read to her, but I had to go to work. She died on Friday, struggling for breath - in '96, she had had heart surgery, quadruple bypass. In the end, her heart was the only thing that kept her alive, even after everything had shut down. She was gasping for breath, even after we had all told her it was okay to go. I remember I was in my room, and I thought I would go in and read to her when I heard my mom go into Nannie's room and I heard her gasp.

It was too late. I'm crying typing this, it's still very raw to talk about. But I have a few regrets with Nannie, mostly the fact I didn't spend enough time with her. I read to her once, maybe twice, but it was so hard to deal with, I didn't do it nearly enough.

Maybe I sound like a hypocrite, saying to not have any regrets while I have a few, but I learned the hard way with Nannie, and again with Andrew. On 9/11, when I got home from work, Nannie was there to greet me. The first thing I did when I walked in the door was hug her and tell her I loved her. I am glad I did - I didn't know we would lose her 8 months later. But at least I told her. Everyday. Right up to the end.

Those are the two major ways September 11th, 2001 changed me. I could write more about that day and all the heroes, but I feel drained again. My face is streaked with tears because I haven't talked about Nannie in a long time and I hadn't thought about her death in a while. Not deeply, and not with that connection she had to 9/11. I'll carry my regrets with me for the rest of my life - but I'm doing my best to take the lessons I've learned from 9/11, her death and Andrew's death and apply them. Sometimes I fail, but I'm learning.

That's what life is. As long as you live, you learn. You hope, you love, you dream. You live.

Where were you on that day? What have you learned from it? I'd like to know if you are willing to share.

Story lines in Wrestling

Being in Louisville, I keep up with Ohio Valley Wrestling (OVW). They've got a decent sized women's division and a friend of mine works for it. I thought it was alright - until this past week, when they decided to go with a pregnancy story line.

I fucking hate pregnancy story lines in wrestling. Fucking. Hate. Them. There are a few things/issues I believe shouldn't be made into angles in wrestling, and here's the list:

1) Pregnancy
2) Rape
3) Death

Short list, right? You're probably wondering why I still watch WWE since they've done all 3. Trust me, I wasn't thrilled when they did and largely tuned them out until it was over, which is probably what I'll do with OVW considering I'm still irritated at how short Izzabelle Smothers' title run was.

There's a line that wrestling walks, trying to be as real as possible while still being fixed. And that's fine, sometimes that line is walked just right, but I believe there's a ton of other issues to have story lines around, and its scraping the bottom of the barrel to resort to one of those three.

Pregnancy - unless the woman is actually pregnant, she'll end up having a miscarriage or aborting the child. Because how else are you going to do this? Have her walk around with a fake stomach for 9 months then produce a child that isn't hers to parade around in front of television cameras? What mother is going to go for that, allowing their kid to be made out to be someone else's and put on tv?

Having a miscarriage can be a very tramatic event for a woman. You may say there's no difference between having it be in a storyline and having it be in a movie/tv show. I say wrestling, due to it's trying to be as real as possible, shouldn't go in that direction. Yes I realise we're not talking about a high class thing here, but miscarriages and abortion are subjects that, in my opinion, don't do anything to further breaking the stereotypes of women in wrestling. Pregnancy overall doesn't have a place in wrestling.

Rape - The only one I can think of is when Lita "slept" with Kane to protect Matt, and since it wasn't her choice, this constitutes rape in my view.

Rape is one of the worst things that can happen to a woman. The effects stay with her for the rest of her life, no matter how well she seems to work through it. It's a devastating event and putting it in a wrestling story line just trivializes it. It's trivialised enough in real life, but making it an angle is sleezy and wrong. Nothing positive can come out of it. Absolutely nothing.

Death - Eddie Guerrero's death and the resulting storyline. Do I need to say anything else? I doubt it. Death isn't something to be trivialised either.

I'm more ranting than anything but I think there are some things that shouldn't be brought down to the level of a wrestling story line. No matter how 'real' wrestling feels, it's still a scripted event. Maybe I'm being silly by wanting standards in professional wrestling, but hey, it's not like I have any influence. I'm just a fan. So whatever I don't agree with, I won't support. Which means no OVW for a while.

Frustrations: Movies & Wrestling.

I have a few things to get rid of. Trival matters, but I've got to get rid of them.

I severely loathe when movies kill off characters just to add to the body count, or to "tie up loose ends." (Oh and there will be SPOILERS for a few films in this. You've been warned.) I watched two movies over the weekend, "2012" (which I'd seen a few months ago but didn't get to see the ending) and "Piranha" (which was in theaters as a 3D film). I like horror films and disaster films (such as "2012", "Deep Impact", etc.) are a guilty pleasure of mine. However, in both you have a cluster of people that you sorta get to know, and either get attached to or utterly despise. "Piranha" had both. It featured the protagonist, his family, the girl he liked and 3 people a part of a rip off of the "Girls Gone Wild" thing. The guy who was the owner and two girls, one of which we meet early on, a nice red head who actually is friendly and likeable. She's more than just a pair of tits, she's got a personality. The other, a blonde, is there only as piranha food and masturbation fodder.

So you get down to the last 30 minutes of the film and the two kids and the redhead had to shimmy across a rope from one boat to another to get to safety. The water underneath is infested with piranhas. Of course, they leap up, snag the redhead and eventually she gets freaked out enough that she falls into the water and is eaten. TOTALLY UNNECESSARY. But it's like the writers thought, "Hey, we're getting down to the end and we need to wrap this up. We can't kill off the mom, the kids, the protagnoist or his crush - lets kill the redhead!" So even though there'd been far enough gore to satisfy folks, she was the next to last kill. And there was no reason! She was a perfectly likable girl with a personality and a good heart it seemed, so it wasn't as though anyone was rooting for her to die (unlike the asshole owner of the company).

Same thing in "2012", there's a core group of folks who make it into the ark. The mom, dad (who're divorced), mom's boyfriend, 2 kids, a family of 4 Tibetians, and lastly a nice Russian girl who'd been another Russian man's girlfriend but he left her behind (long story). Anyways they all make it into the ark but because the door can't close all the way, water starts flooding in and water tight walls start closing off the compartments. They all get separated - in the first is the Tibetian family, the mom, dad and brother. In the middle is the Russian girl who gets her dog and the little sister to safety in the third compartment. She's trapped by herself. Mind, water is flooding into the first and middle compartments equally.

What happens? The family in the first compartment is saved when the dad gets the door to close and the compartment walls open back up. The nice Russian girl in the middle compartment? DROWNS. EVEN THOUGH THEY WERE BOTH FLOODING EQUALLY. Now this girl really had no reason to die, she could've been a foster mom to the Russian man's kids after he dies getting them onto the ark (again, long story). And the death makes no sense since water should've been coming into both compartments at an equal rate! Her death was stupid and senseless, another one that fits into the catagory of "Killing to even things out."

There's a lot of deaths that fall into this catagory. It's as if the writers have to get in every last kill they can, every last death, even if it means only having one or two people out of the group left alive at the end. Nevermind it would be more satisfying to have a few more survive.

Like in Freddy vs. Jason. The last two kills are Linderman and Kia (who's African-American - never a good thing in horror films..), who sorta have a connection between each other. Or they start to before Linderman, then Kia dies. They could've survived along with Lori and Will but noooo...bigger the body count, the better apparently. Which, normally I agree with, but when you get a connection with people you know aren't going to survive, it's a huge let down. When shit started going down, I knew Kia and Linderman wouldn't make it. It's the nature of horror films.

Doesn't make it easier or less frustrating though.

Which leads to my second frustration - wrestling. I've been a fan for 12 years now, since 1999. Started with the WWF, now I'm more of a fan of independent companies yet I still watch WWE. I keep an eye on it because there's still a few people I support, every once in awhile there's good matches, and there are only 3 women I really support. Beth Phoenix, Nattie Neidhart and AJ. And right now there's a program going on that is pitting Beth & Nattie versus everyone else for the most part. They're calling themselves the "Divas of Doom" and claim they're tired of the models. Over this past weekend, there was a whole lot of nonsense that happened online with an article and some of the Divas overreacting. Some people are saying that this should all be put on television and made part of the storyline. Let me make this really clear...

NONE. OF. THIS. MATTERS. You dig? Number one, it happened ONLINE. On twitter, which your basic wrestling watcher doesn't follow, and on wwe.com which doesn't get near the hits or the attention it did back in the attitude era where everyone and their mother had a website. Do you think the average person, who tunes in to see Cena or Orton actually knows or cares what's going on on Twitter? Take Zack Ryder, for instance. He has a very popular youtube show every week and has tried to get himself over, thinking it'll translate into something he can do on television. But he barely gets a crowd response. Sure there's always those few who follow his twitter and YT show who cheer, but otherwise? No. So for the Divas, who have for years been a filler segment or the victim of people that were pushed yet killed the crowd or the victim of stupid storylines, how much less attention does that translate into? You try putting any of this shit on television and you'll only confuse people who weren't paying attention, or bore the crowds - or both. Basically it boils down to this - if it doesn't happen on tv, it doesn't happen at all.

Number two - trying to get yourself over online does not translate into a tv push. Take Zack Ryder again. Sure he's on SD and has a bit of attention but it's nowhere near what people thought he would get. WWE does not like people trying to get over on their own. Vince is a jealous asshole with a very narrow focus. If you aren't Cena/Punk/HHH/Orton or one of those upper tier people, he DOES NOT CARE. Look at the Tag Team Division. Been dead for a few years now. You know it's dead when teams that are just thrown together have the belts - who remembered Otunga and McGillicutty had the straps until Kofi & Evan won them? They haven't had a "cruiserweight" division for years since Hornswoggle had the belt then it disappeared. Their IC title (supposed to be the number two belt, underneath the big one) has been on people that didn't deserve to carry Piper or Bret Hart's jock strap. Let alone hold a so-called prestigous title like the Intercontinental Championship. And the US title? Pfff. They only brought it back for the brand split. And their WWE/World Heavyweight Championship title mix has been stale for years. The only surprises were Christian holding the WHC to begin with and CM Punk 'leaving' with the WWE title.

(Edit - I wrote this before Raw on 9/5. Tonight Zack Ryder had a video package featuring clips from his YT stuff, was teamed with a WWF HOF and actually won a match with Lawler {against Otunga & McGillicutty, but still}, then had a cameo backstage with Cena. So I'm amending my example. If Zack's 'push', if it is a push, goes nowhere and next week he's nowhere to be found, then my point still stands and it's another indication of Vince jacking off the small percentage of internet fans who like Ryder & want him to succeed. And my point still stands.

HOWEVER...if his push continues, then it's worse: it's a case of double standards. Because some of the women have tried to get things going for themselves on the internet and hope it'll translate to TV time. If Ryder gets pushed while the women get punished, then it's sexism and my point will still stand, due to Vince not giving a shit still about the women. I felt in the face of what happened tonight I should amend this blog.)

So in the face of all that, I'll ask again - with the narrow focus Vince has, why on God's green earth would he care about the women? HE. DOES. NOT. CARE. And I'll wager dollars to donuts that the Bellas get punished for overreacting (because for God's sake, if you're going to react, do it in character. Don't drag your MOM or your BROTHER into it). Why? Because Brie brought up 3 people who left or were fired by the company, 3 people that are not in WWE's good graces. Melina & Gail Kim tried to get over using twitter and other online medias and look what happened to them.

No matter what articles are written in support of Beth & Nattie, no matter the calls for change, no matter what the wrestlers themselves think - it does not matter. When all this is over, things will go back to normal. Kelly will go over both of them to face the next model-turned-wrestler. They will hire more useless women like Ariane who have no history, no prior knowledge and no prior training, and put them in FCW where they'll continue to learn how to incorrectly run the ropes and do other things the wrong way. Only to put them on tv in 2 minute matches and pray to God they don't injure themselves.

People, WWE isn't going to hire Sara Del Rey, Mercedes Martinez, Jessicka Havok or anyone else with actual, solid skills. Not unless the women are willing to radically change their appearances to fit the Diva Standard (TM). Look at Tenille. She's decent in the ring but she didn't have a prayer until she changed her hair colour and got breast implants. Gone are the days of Alundra Blayze, Bull Nakano, Luna Vachon, Aja Kong, Wendy Richter and Sherri Martel. GONE. Now you have to have the looks. Not the talent. I get so tired of people asking why WWE doesn't hire such and such. BECAUSE THEY DON'T LOOK THE WAY VINCE WANTS THEM TO LOOK! Is it that hard of a concept to figure out???

If you like these women, if you prefer skill over looks, then for fuck's sake, support independent promotions that feature these women!!! It isn't hard! Buy the DVDs, buy their t-shirts, go to the shows when you can! Send them messages of support! With all the social media there is nowadays, it isn't hard to get in touch with the women you admire. Don't send them messages asking why they don't go to WWE or TNA - do you realise how many times they've gotten that question? Sometimes, just sometimes, it's their own choice to NOT go. Like MsChif, she said flat out when talking to Stew & Lee that she didn't want to change the character that she'd crafted over the years. She didn't want to compromise herself - and I'll wager there's a lot of other women that don't want to compromise their characters, their values or theirselves to fit a Diva Standard (TM).

Would it be great to see your favourites every week? Sure - and you can if you buy their DVDs and pop them in and see them at their best instead of seeing them maybe once a week in a watered down form. And make no mistake, they would water down even the best, to fit them into the 2 - 3 minutes the Divas nowadays get. Divas fit in a box. THIS WILL NOT CHANGE.

Support the women who give you the wrestling you want. You want Divas? Watch WWE. You want Knockouts? Watch TNA. You want more female wrestling? Watch independents. It's that simple. Whatever floats your boat.

And while I'm at it, this shit with wrestling fandoms is fucking ridiculous. One fan thinks they're better because they watch WWE. One fan thinks they're better because they watch Joshi. One fan thinks everyone else is stupid for not watching TNA. One site thinks they're the best because they cover everything equally, one site thinks they're the best because they cover only independents, one site boasts "We're the greatest" because of the interviews they get.

If I may quote Holden from "Chasing Amy"..."AW COME ON, ITS ALL A BUNCH OF HORSE SHIT!"

What, watching one promotion, prefering one promotion over another makes you a BETTER fan, a better person?? Your shit stinks just like everyone else's my friend. While I fly my indy flag proudly, I don't look down on anyone else for watching WWE or TNA. (Although I hate TNA's management for what they did to Daffney, and how they continue to run their company, I don't look down on folks who watch it still.)

Why? Because I still watch WWE. It's what got me into wrestling. And there's still a few people I support and like to watch. And although I would love for things to change, I'm realistic enough to know that they won't. At least, not until Vince is dead or something. So I save my money to support promotions that satisfy me as a fan and as a woman. And I watch YT clips of WWE or the program itself if I feel like it.

Just because you watch only independent wrestling doesn't make you better than me or anyone else. Just because you watch only WWE or TNA doesn't make you better than me or anyone else.

And these sites that say "We're the best!" - are you out to promote yourselves or the women & men who need all the exposure and support they can get? If you're out to promote yourselves, then at least be honest about your goals. Don't brag then say, oh it's all about the people/the business. No, it's about YOU. Most of us don't get paid for writing/contributing to websites, we do it because we love the business, we want to make it better, we want to repay it somehow for the years of great memories it's given us, and we want to support the hard working women and men who don't get enough money or exposure that they deserve.

If people like what we do, then that's great. They'll say so. But it'll be THEM saying that we're good, we won't say it ourselves. Confidence in your work is key, but bragging isn't.

And as long as what we do benefits the women & men that actually wrestle and bust their asses for our entertainment, that is the ONLY thing that matters. If any wrestling website that covers independent promotions exposes it to one new fan, shows them that there's more out there than what's on tv, then the work is worth it. If it causes one new fan to shell out the money for a DVD from SHIMMER, WSU, nCw FF, ACW, EVE, PWWA, then the work is worth it.

But belittling people just because they have a personal preference as to what they watch? That helps nothing and no one. It just makes you look like a douchebag. And wrestling has enough of those. That is abundantly clear.

The Journey of a Lifetime

Imagine for years reading about a land that you came to know and love more than the place you were born.

Imagine studying the lineage of their monarchy, memorizing the descent of Kings and Queens until you knew it better than the Presidents of your own country.

Imagine watching documentaries, revelling in the beauty and majesty of the landscape.

Imagine the yearning you would have for years, wanting to visit that place.

Now imagine the fulfillment of that yearning - but that it came as a bonus, attached to another, more significant goal.

That's what happened to me. I got to visit a place I'd only dreamt about one day visiting, never guessing the day would come in July 2011. On the 21st, I flew to Britain for 7 days to visit Lee, but in doing so, he caused that dream to come true.

On the drive to Wolverhampton, I saw rolling hills, lush countrysides, sturdy tall trees, all under a beautiful blue sky dotted with clouds. I saw all kinds of animals - horses, cows, nothing you couldn't see in Kentucky...until I saw llamas. Just grazing. You won't exactly see llamas in Kentucky, except at the zoo.

I slept more peacefully at Lee's flat than I do at my own house. The neighbors were quiet, since they were elderly, you hardly heard them. He claims the road that goes by is a busy one, but at night I didn't hear a thing. Hardly any traffic during the day either. At night, I would lay there curled next to him after he'd fallen asleep, and I'd relax, enjoying the silence. It was beautiful, absolutely serene. I was completely at peace. Sometimes it felt like the silence was a tangible, palpable thing that would settle on me, but it was never uncomfortable or unwelcome. On the contrary, that silence, that peace was one of the best parts of the trip. It was totally unexpected, but absolutely wonderful.

When we went to London, I have to admit I wasn't prepared for so many people. The massive crush of bodies, especially in the Underground and on the tubes freaked me out, I confess. If it hadn't been for Lee, constantly looking back and taking my hand, I would've been lost several times over. He was my guide but also my protector, which I'm still grateful for. At one point, I told him jokingly that I wasn't sure if he wanted to hold my hand or make sure I didn't get lost. I'm pretty sure he said it was both.

I don't get claustrophobic with tight spaces, but in tight crowds I do, which made traveling on the tube at certain points almost unbearable. I closed my eyes and sorta "went into myself" until our stop came around. Plus, upon exiting I found soot in my nostrals. Soot. Like the stuff the chimney sweeps in Mary Poppins were covered in. Strange but funny. The escalators that took you down to each level showed just how deep underground you were really going. That was startling, I'd never seen such long escalators. But they became one of my favourite features for a particular reason.

Our hotel was the Queensway Hotel, and quaint is the only word for it. We were on the fourth floor (or fifth, I can't remember), and you had to take a lift up to the third (or fourth) floor, then take a small, VERY windy staircase up to the next floor. The lift was old fashioned, meaning it had a proper door you opened, then the lift door opened up for you - I loved it. I did love the hotel, too. The only thing I did not love was the hotel room's bathroom. It was a closet. No exaggerating either, it was a closet. The shower was half a closet and the floor of it filled up with water so much I had to stop the shower and wait for it to drain so it wouldn't go over the edge and spill out. However, that shower had one thing that went in it's favour.

The first day, Monday, we met up with Stew and Phil at the London Eye. It was lovely to finally meet Phil in person, he's been wonderful to talk to via Twitter and get to know. As for the Eye itself....I'm not fond of heights. Yet, they draw me - ask anyone who went to the Grand Canyon and saw me go right to the edge and sit there. Heights fascinate me. Yet, I was tense the whole way around on the Eye, despite the fact it had been in operation with no problems since 1999. One of the few regrets I have for the trip is not lightening up and enjoying it more. Because the view was outstanding. Perfect view across The Thames of the Houses of Parliament and the Clock Tower. Also of the Foreign Office, St. James Park and Buckingham Palace. It was breathtaking.

Before we met up with Rob at the O2 for dinner at Nandos (awesome, awesome Nandos~!), we walked along the riverside and saw many street performers and a fair. Which had a carousel. I love carousels. I looked at Lee and God bless him, he rode it with me. (He violated his horse six ways from Sunday but that's beside the point............) It was wonderfully romantic, and one of the highlights for me. When we visited his friend Julie's jewelry shop, one of the pieces she had made caught my eye immediately. It's a small bronze carousel, with a tiny charm of a horse attached to it. He bought it for me and I never leave the house without putting it on first. The perfect reminder of that romantic moment in London.

I tried so many new foods, and one of the best was the Portuguese chicken Peri Peri at Nandos. The chicken breast + chips (aka fries) + garlic bread = HEAVEN~! Delicious, utterly delicious. So much so Lee and I had it again the day before I left. I even got it a bit spicy the second time. The chocolate cake was delicious, yet rich. I didn't have any but Phil offered me some of his. I took a bite and utterly savoured the taste. When I licked the icing off the fork, I realised thats what made it so rich. The cake itself wasn't as potent as the icing. But I highly enjoyed it nonetheless.

It was wonderful, having dinner with so many of my friends. That sense of belonging is one I've always craved, and have had at a few points in my life. Now is one of them, because I have so many friends, but being with them in person is always a welcome treat. I didn't talk much but that was okay, I was content just being there, enjoying the camaraderie and the warmth. I loved seeing Rob and Stew's reactions to their gifts but they all probably enjoyed my reaction to Phil's gifts for me. Proper Cadbury chocolate, Fruit Pastilles, and real English toffee! In a cute Union Flag box no less! I was so surprised and pleased, everything was delicious when I ate it (I took my time but everything except all the toffee was gone in less than a month).

Britain has the Maury Povich show and Judge Judy. I was more amused by this than I should have been, but it tickled me.

The second day...the second day was a dream fulfilled.

The Tower of London. We crossed Tower Bridge (which I prefer to London Bridge, since it's still largely the way it was when it was built, unlike London Bridge which had to be virtually rebuilt unfortunately) and upon seeing it for the first time I was surprised. It looked smaller than I thought, but it actually wasn't. The queue to get in was so long, I wanted to back out. Fortunately Lee suggested getting our tickets and asking what the wait time was. I'm so grateful he did, it wasn't a long wait at all.

And then...The Tower. The Tower of London, built by William the Conqueror in 1078. The very stones alive with history, seeped in the blood of those guilty and innocent put to death, haunted by those whose ghosts cry out for justice...The Tower of London.

I walked where Kings and Queens had trodden. I viewed the jewels they had crowned themselves with. I saw the ground, the very ground, where both the guilty and the innocent had been executed. Queens, Earls, Countesses.

Where (innocent) Queen Anne Boleyn had stood and said, "Good Christian people, I am come hither to die, for according to the law, and by the law I am judged to die, and therefore I will speak nothing against it. I am come hither to accuse no man, nor to speak anything of that, whereof I am accused and condemned to die, but I pray God save the king and send him long to reign over you, for a gentler nor a more merciful prince was there never: and to me he was ever a good, a gentle and sovereign lord. And if any person will meddle of my cause, I require them to judge the best. And thus I take my leave of the world and of you all, and I heartily desire you all to pray for me. O Lord have mercy on me, to God I commend my soul."

Where Queen Catherine Howard had been executed being only 18 years old and guilty of nothing more than loving someone her own age, rather than a man who was more than 30 years her elder, had become a tyrant to his people, was bloated, overweight with a nasty ulcer on his leg. Her real crime was stupidity, but she was more a pawn of her family than anything else.

I walked upon Tower Green and imagined how it must have felt to know you were going to die, guilty or innocent, unless the whim of the King or Queen spared your life. I paid my respects to Queen Anne Boleyn on Tower Green, but unfortunately wasn't able to see where she now rests due to not being a part of the group tour.

I saw where the famous Tower ravens lived, two in a cage, two uncaged. The poor uncaged ones were those I felt sorry for - in an attempt to make sure the legend never comes to pass, their wings have been heavily clipped. My heart aches for them - they will never know what it is to fly, to be free. Beautiful, noble birds...

The crown jewels were breathtaking. The oldest jewels were from the reign of Charles II, up to the current era of Elizabeth II. All were stunning. I, literally, have no words to describe how beautiful these jewels are. Its an exhibit you must see if you go to the Tower.

I had saved my money for London, and I spent a few quid in the gift shop. They had postcards featuring every Monarch from William I to Elizabeth II. I bought most of them, plus one of the best items, an almost perfect replica of Queen Anne Boleyn's "B" necklace.

I could go on and on about the Tower. I adored it. The very stones were older than anything in America. The very air was alive with history, rich, bold and powerful. It was intoxicating. You would need a full day to see it all, but we saw most of it in the few hours we were there. An experience for the ages for myself.

After that it was off to Trafalgar Square to meet up with Rhia for lunch. So many pigeons~! I kept taking pictures of them and finally Lee took a picture of the sign that said, "Do Not Feed the Pigeons"....and then we saw a woman feeding them Doritos not more than 5 steps away from the sign. C'est la Vie?

I missed Rhia so much! She's such a cheerful, bubbly soul that you cannot help but be in a good mood around her. She simply won't allow anything else. I could listen to her talk for hours, her Irish accent is so awesome and lovely. We had Italian, which was scrumptous. It was wonderful to catch up with her, and when I pulled out my postcards, she told me (probably half jokingly) to tell her a fact about each monarch. So I did. Which, I'm pretty sure, stunned both of them.

I reveled in my history geekdom. At one point, Lee told me that he had had no idea how much I knew about British history. It's been a passion of mine since my early teens and it's only increased as the years went on. I was in my element actually being there.

Rhia showed us the way to Foyles. A three story bookstore. Three levels of wonderful bookness. There was so much, it literally drained my energy. I selected a book on Japan, one of famous women, and I really wanted a book about British history but couldn't find one that was just right. So I settled for a book on British politics and a history of the mistresses of the British monarchs (entitled "Royal Sex" - hah!). But they had a book on every English monarch. Ever. Including the pre-Invasion of 1066, before William the Conqueror. They even had a book on Stephen - Stephen of all people!! I'd NEVER seen a book on King Stephen! One of my goals is to have at least one book on every monarch that ever lived. Not just British, but all places that ever had a monarchy. Foyles had one. For every British Monarch. Had I the money and the space, I could've accomplished one part of that goal. But I had neither.

In the end, I had to ask both of them to get me out of there. Apparently I was talking to the books at this point...I kept seeing things as I went up to the cashier, and right after I paid I found the mythology section. Which had almost all the Andrew Lang "Fairy" books. These are books I've been trying to collect, in their original form (when I was in Elementary school, they were all hard covers, each the colour of the book's title - the "Red Fairy Book" was red, the "Blue Fairy Book" was blue, the "Liliac Fairy Book" was liliac, and so forth. These were/are the original prints of the books I believe.), but even though these were reprints in softback I still wanted to stop and look. Lee put his hands on my shoulders and gently but firmly guided me down the stairs and out to the sidewalk.

It was a mini-intervention as it were.

Rhia had to leave us shortly thereafter (we'd spent more time in Foyles than I had imagined....), which I felt bad we'd used up the time there. After giving us directions to a toy store in which I could get a proper stuffed animal if I wanted one, she hugged us both and headed off into the London crowd. Rhia fits right in, her personality and vivacity match the vibe of the city. She's a confident, self assured, lovely lady and I was very glad we were able to spend time with her.

After that, I pretty much fell to bits. The Tower and then Foyles really zapped my energy. I was spent. We made it to the second level of the toy store and I had to tap out. Lee was a blessing, he got me back to the hotel for our stuff then to the train station where we could sit and relax on the train until it was time to leave. I spent the majority of my money in London on books and souvenirs. But the memories mean the most, they're priceless treasures I can never replace. Ever. I may not be able to really live in London (too many people!) but I could definitely go back several times.

However, London wasn't the best part of the trip. For all my rhapsodizing, what I said in the beginning is true - getting to visit London, to visit Britain, was a bonus. My first and foremost goal was to visit Lee in his culture, in his world, and to experience what he does. I would have been fine with not seeing London to be honest, when we first started to discuss me flying over, I didn't bring it up. He did. He said it would be a shame and a missed opportunity to not go when I was there. Plus, he had never done the "tourist" thing either since its really something you do with someone else. So we went - and I'm glad we did. Like I said, the memories are priceless and make the experiences we shared together all the better.

No...the best part was just being with him. Doing things normal couples do - holding hands, eating together, watching tv. Regular things that meant the world. When he would kiss my hand or stroke my hair, those were the moments that meant the most. Getting to know myself, I've discovered I'm a person who loves physical touch. I'm a far more physical person than I ever realised. It's one of my primary love languages, and it's one of Lee's as well. Being with him, just sitting on the couch, holding hands...that was worth everything. There was a peace of mind that settled over me while I was there - I didn't worry about anything. I was absolutely serene. Even Lee noticed, when he was in another room and I was on his bed, reading, he said that I seemed like I was at peace. I was. It was incredible.

Walking around London, I even lost four pounds. A combination of walking and being stress free, I'd wager.

Even though I'd always wanted to visit Britain, this was ten times better than anything I'd dreamed of - and it's all because I was visiting a person not just a place. I had someone to visit, someone to share and experience everything with. That is far, far better than going solo, knowing no one. It's odd how life works - I met Lee last September. I got my passport in October. And in July, I used it. I got it after a month of talking, getting to know him. I got it in blind faith, believing in my heart that I would use it. A belief and a hope.

Amazing what hope and faith can do. And love.

To Stew, Phil, Rob and Rhia - thanks for making an incredible trip even better! I'm so glad I got the chance to meet up with y'all, it was wonderful to spend time and catch up over the London Eye and/or dinner (or lunch, in Rhia's case). :-)

To Lee - thank you so much for everything honey. Even though I would've been fine just spending time with you in Wolverhampton, the trips to London and Leicester were amazing. Thanks to you, I have priceless memories that we can share. I enjoyed every minute of our time together. Thank you for making a dream of mine come true. Thank you for your support, your patience, your trust...but most importantly, your love. You mean the world to me. My heart is yours, as well as my ears and shoulder when you need them. I love you, my cuddly British teddy bear. <3