The Five Love Languages

I love to read. I've been a reader all my life, from when I was young up through now. Every once in awhile I've come across a book that I can honestly say changed my life. I'm almost done with one of those types of books. It's called "The Five Love Languages for Singles" by Gary Chapman(obviously I'm not single, but the book is made for folks who are either single or in dating relationships).

In separate chapters it tells you what the five love languages are and gives details on how each works. They are:

*Physical Touch

*Words of Affirmation

*Quality Time

*Gifts

*Acts of Service

The website gives you the same 'quiz' the book has to determine which love language is your primary one. All of us can speak each language, but all of us have a primary that, when someone speaks that language, we feel most loved. Not to say that we don't feel loved when our partner speaks the others, but all of us have a nature to feel love in a primary way.

Upon taking the quiz, my primary is Physical Touch, followed closely by Gifts, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation and Acts of Service. Which makes perfect sense. I've always been, deep down inside, a "touchy-feely person." I like to hold hands, cuddle, by near people I feel close with. When I feel sympathy for a person, if I'm close enough to do so, I give them a hug. Its how I show love and how I feel most loved.

When it comes to Gifts, most people think automatically that this is a selfish thing. The book does a way better job of explaining it, but basically, gifts are a way that people have always shown love. It doesn't mean you have to go out and buy the most expensive thing there is. It's the sentiment behind it that makes the gift valuable. A gift is a tangible object that says, "I was thinking about you. I wanted you to have this. I love you." It can be a flower picked from a park, a piece of paper made into a card - not necessarily something bought from a store. Like when a child picks a dandilion from a field to give to their mom. She puts it in a cup of water and keeps it because thats a gift that says "I love you."

One of my most treasured gifts is a small Hello Kitty plush doll that Lee got me. She didn't cost much, but ever since I received her, I never go to sleep without her. I take her to work with me, and I've given her a name. She is a tangible reminder of his love for me. Gifts have always been a main way I show love (you can ask my family - first Christmas after I had a steady job, I went overboard with gifts because I finally had a way to express my love for them). I realise a lot of people aren't comfortable with this, but its probably because (according to the book) they aren't used to receiving love in that way. When I've realised this about people, I try to find out what their primary love language is and speak it.

For a long time, I thought the pleasure I received from getting gifts was because I was selfish. However, after reading this, I know that isn't the case. It's one of my primary love languages. It's the second strongest way I show and feel love. Now I feel I can embrace this without feeling like it's a negative aspect of myself.

Really, I would recommend this book for anyone. There's chapters in there on how to find out others primary love language & how to speak it; how to use this in your relationship with your significant other, your parents, siblings, co-workers, friends - everyone in your life. I'm taking what I read and applying it in my life. In turn, this will help me be a better girlfriend, friend, daughter, co-worker, sibling, etc. I can't recommend it enough, get a copy for yourself if you want to improve your life and relationships!