Personal space and Basic respect

I was waiting in line to return something to Wal-Mart a couple of days ago, and two things struck me.

First, apparently the concept of personal space doesn't resonate with everyone.
Second, neither does the concept of basic respect.

(Disclaimer: This goes for when I don't know you. People I know and am comfortable with, I don't mind when they get close. This should probably have gone without saying, heh.)

When I'm in a line of any sort, I keep a distance of at least two steps from the person infront of me. I don't know what the person infront of me's stance is on personal space. Maybe they don't care if someone's right up against them, maybe they would prefer me to back up five spaces. I don't know. So I stay at least two steps back, giving them plenty of space to make sure. And I wish that those behind me would do the same.

More often than not, however, it doesn't happen. The mentality of "the closer I am to the person infront of me, the closer I am to the front of the line" seems to prevail. Doesn't matter that this is a silly thing to think, I'm convinced that it comes into play for a lot of people when they get into a line. Therefore, I have made a list to go by. If you have ever found yourself guilty of one or more of these offenses, take two steps back next time you are in line:

*If you are close enough that when you breathe, the person infront of you's hair moves, you are too close. Step back.

*If you are close enough to smell the person infront of you's hair, you are WAY too close. Step back.

*If you are close enough that when you cough or sneeze, some part of your spittle/snot gets on the person in front of you, you are too close. Step back.

*If you are close enough that the person infront of you can 'feel' or 'sense' your presence, you are too close. Step back. (This varies from person to person. I, myself, can 'feel' when people or objects are close to me. Some can't. Use your discretion.)

*If the person infront of you moves forward a bit, even when the line hasn't moved in general, you are too close. Step back.

These are the basics. Just be aware of the people around you, and remember that not everyone feels the same about personal space, so take a precaution. Maintain two steps from the person infront of you. They may not say anything out loud, but I'm sure in their minds they are thanking you.

The second, basic respect, occured to me whilst in the same line, enduring a violation of my personal space. A woman behind me came out of line, went up to the desk where the belabored worker was helping out someone else, and began complaining. The worker apologized and said she was doing her best. The woman asked where a manager was, and was pointed in the correct direction. As a result, the manager helped out at the desk.

Disclaimer: I have some times gotten upset or impatient with staff at places. But only once did I express my displeasure, and I did that with a simple, short but fairly polite note. Never received bad service at that place again, only the best. So I keep my temper and my impatience under wraps, when I do feel it.

It's said that respect is earned, not given. I do agree with this, for the most part. However, I firmly believe that all human beings deserve a basic level of respect. No one is better than anyone else, no matter where you come from or what you do. Especially when it comes to the work you do.

It feels like some people think they are better than others because they don't do certain kinds of work. This isn't right, but it shows. For example, I was at my favorite restaurant in the world (shout out, Logan's Steakhouse in Louisville - simply flawless!) about six months ago when I noticed that someone I was familiar with was also having dinner with his partner in the booth infront of me. I knew this person (lets call him A) was very demanding, very fussy and very very needy. I felt sorry for the person who had to serve him. The woman who was serving me (lets call her T) was also serving A. I warned her that he had a bad reputation from the place I knew him from, so to be careful.

Didn't matter. She was a good server (she'd been my server a couple of times before, very sweet and very good at her job), but I could see the utter disdain in his face when he looked at her, talked to her, and even watched her going around, serving others in the restaurant. When he left, I heard A ask another server to speak to the manager. I pulled T aside when she gave me my food, letting her know A had spoken to the manager. She got his ticket from his table - turned out A had left her only a few cents as a tip.

Cents. That tells you something right there about A. I found out later that he had complained that T had not been fully attentive to him. As if she could be devoted to only one table!

But the look on his face...you could tell he felt like she was beneath him because of her job. I see this often. Servers in restaurants, cashiers in grocery stores, receptionists in doctors' offices...just because someone has a job that you've never had or you think is "beneath" you, doesn't mean those workers are undeserving of basic respect.

Take restaurant servers. I've been at Logan's enough to see what it's like when a restaurant is at it's busiest and at it's slowest. I've seen cranky customers who were never satisfied, no matter how hard the server tried. I've seen servers exhausted but still put on a smile and do their best. I'm honest enough to admit: I could never be a server. Never. Simply because I don't have the patience or the skill or the social skills; not because I consider it an 'inferior' job. Frankly I think anyone who can be a server has to have a core of steel and patience of a saint. They do a great job and they provide a needed and necessary service. They deserve your respect.

As does the cashier at McDonalds, the person who delivers your mail, or the person who picks up your garbage. They are providing a service to you, the least you can do is respect them and the work they do. That means, no bitching at them, being patient under trying circumstances and putting yourself in their shoes. How would you feel after working for hours, giving your all, and having someone just look at you like you're a cockroach? Not very good I'd wager.

So next time you're in a long line, or you have to wait a little bit longer for service at a restaurant, take a moment. Breathe. Remember, these are fellow human beings who are doing the best they can, and they have their own lives and situations they are going through. Then give them a smile and a positive word (as I did when I made it to the front of the line at Wal-Mart; I could tell the woman appreciated my encouragement).

And also remember: don't be a cheapskate. Give them a good tip.